Worst-Case Wednesday: How to Survive a Love Triangle with a Werewolf and a Vampire

Or just date someone who is a combination of both. 

Like many Hollywood monsters often do, Worst-Case Wednesday has returned.

Today we’ve got an excerpt from the Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Paranormal. David Borgenicht and Ben H. Winters dish out sage wisdom on how to handle a love triangle with a werewolf and a vampire. If the worlds of Twilight, True Blood, and/or Underworld ever come to be, this might be an issue you’ll have to deal with.

Because damn, those vampires and werewolves are handsome.

How to Survive a Love Triangle with a Werewolf and a Vampire

1. JUGGLE: Use a calendar to block off the best times to be with each creature according to its own infernal cycles. Plan dates with the werewolf for nights with a waning moon so that he’s not preoccupied with the physical challenges of transformation; with the vampire, schedule together time on nights with a fuller moon and for just after he has recently feasted, when he will be sated and more ready to engage in other activities.

2. TAKE YOUR TIME: Both partners enjoy eternal life, so don’t feel rushed to make up your mind for their sakes.

3. BE HONEST: When either relationship becomes serious, inform each creature that you are involved with the other make clear the priority in which you hold the relationship.

4. AVOID SCENES: Both werewolves and vampires possess ferocious animal instincts and are quick to anger. Try not to let them encounter the other, especially in your presence.

5. FIND A NICE HUMAN BOY: Break up with both monsters. Move to a new town and pray for your own safety and that of your new beau.