Worst-Case Wednesday: How to Adjust to Being a Werewolf

Being a werewolf is no walk in the park. How do you handle changing at the full moon every month? How do you prepare? Thankfully, The Worst-Case Scenario Handbook: Paranormal Edition has this totally covered. A good thing, too, or who knows what would happen.

Consider your livelihood.
Your life will be disrupted like clockwork for a three-day period centering on the full moon every twenty-eight days. Choose a living situation, therefore, that will accommodate your needs. Self-employment is preferable to the constant need to explain to a boss that your vacation days are not flexible; explore careers as a massage therapist, business consultant, artist, craftsman, or freelance writer.

Consider your relationship status.
Marriage to a non-lycanthrope is problematic for the same reason as holding a job. Remain single or mate with another werewolf, if possible. If you are determined to marry a human, pick one who is not an investigative reporter.

Join a pack.
Seek out other werewolves with whom to form a pack. Although werewolves who meet each other in human form can send subtle but unmistakable signals to one another, your "wolf-dar" may not be very well tuned if you have recently transformed. The surest way to find lyncanthropic friends is to do so in wolf form: the night before the full moon, go camping in an unpopulated forest (old-growth forests are best). When you transform to your bestial shape and run wild in the excitement of the predatory hunt, stay alert for other wolves; when you meet them, make friendly overtures and join forces to hunt together. Do not mate until you've made sure your new friend is an actual werewolf, not just a big smart timber wolf. Puppies could be embarrassing.

Hide in plain sight.
Sometimes the riskiest strategies are the most effective. Join a team of professional vampire hunters. Your keen, wolflike senses will aid you greatly in the art of pursuing and staking the undead; you stand an excellent chance of becoming your team's most valuable member. Because vampire hunting is an underground activity, you can simply be unavailable for expeditions that coincide with your full-moon cycle. If your teammates do discover your secret, point out your kind's ancient animosity toward vampires and explain that this instinct puts you firmly on their side of the supernatural wars. You are a living, hot-blooded mammal who just wants to get along.