Why You Should Listen to Classical Music

Photo by Steve Snodgrass

Did you know that September is Classical Music Month? Me either! And while I’m sure there are plenty of reasons to listen to classical music (Mozart effect, anyone?) our favorite broet, Brian McGackin, has the one and only reason you should bother.

John Williams.

So in honor of Classical Music Month, we’ve got Brian’s poem, Why You Should Listen to Classical Music, excerpted below. Enjoy!

Why You Should Listen to Classical Music
From Broetry by Brian McGackin

Two words: John Fucking Williams.
Jaws. Superman. Indiana Jones.
When Darth Maul gets chopped
in half (::spoiler alert::), Obi Wan
is grooving to some classical music.

I know what you’re thinking, though:
Listen, jackass, that movie came out
in 1999. That’s not classical music.
First: Do you know what a leitmotif is?
Second: Little Johnny Love is like
eighty years old. Classical music.

Fine, better example: Richard Wagner.
Yeah, you know what, maybe he
hated the Jews a bit, had a little
Mel Gibson kinda thing going on.
I’m not gonna lie, I still enjoy watching
Lethal Weapon 2. I won’t go buy it on
Blu-ray anytime soon, but if it’s on TBS,
my ass is in the chair. Wagner’s like that.
Ghosts, trolls, frost giants, godsex,
Vikings, demons, classical music.

But back to John Williams for a second:
The guy’s got range. Did you know he
composed the music for four separate
Olympic Games and the theme song
to Lost in Space?! He’s ridiculous.

So what if it puts you to sleep?
Listen when you’re going to bed, then!
Start with Tchaikovsky’s first
piano concerto (though not if you’re
going to bed), or just watch Fantasia;
Mahler and Debussy are pretty gangster;
anything by Mozart, obviously.
I’m assuming you haven’t seen Amadeus,
or else we wouldn’t even need to have
this conversation, would we?

Classical music. It makes you smarter.
And admit it, you could be more cultured;
you just picked up a book called Broetry.