What If We Cast Actors in Presidential Biopics Based on Last Name Alone?
Inspiration can come from anywhere. Sometimes it is grand and beautiful, with great implications about what it means to be human. Sometimes it comes from Twitter.
What if we assigned actors to presidential biopics based on last name alone?
— Blair Thornburgh (@ATallOrder) April 28, 2014
After seeing this tweet from Blair, one of my esteemed editors at Quirk, [Hello! —Ed.] I could not help but throw out name after name. Inspired, I put this post together, complete with shoddily photoshopped MS Painted movie stills. I don’t know about you, but I think at least one of these would be a blockbuster. [OBVIOUSLY. —Ed.] If not, I definitely have some sequels in mind.
Denzel Washington as George Washington in Training Day, 1777: In 1777, Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette joined General George Washington as his aide-de-camp at the suggestion of Benjamin Franklin.
Washington was embarrassed at the state of the Continental Army, but Lafayette said, “I am here to learn, not to teach.” With star turns from Denzel Washington as The General, John Lafayette as The Marquis, and Kerry Washington as Martha, King George ain’t got nothing on George Washington!
J. H. K. (James “Jamie” Harvey Kennedy) as J. F. K. in Hyannis Port’s Most Wanted: In October 1962, a thirteen day confrontation between the United States and the Soviet Union began. While the public believed the dispute was over Soviet nuclear missiles sent to Cuba, it was actually a contest over who had the dopest rhymes on the planet.
Jamie Kennedy does a splendid job in portraying President Kennedy, capturing both the apprehension of being defeated by Communism’s freestyle master, Fidel Castro, and in the bravado to take him on.
Andrew Lincoln as Abraham Lincoln in Abraham Lincoln, Zombie Hunter: Based off of the best-selling book and blockbuster movie, Abraham Lincoln, Zombie Hunter stars Andrew Lincoln as the 16th President of the United States.
This follow-up to Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter is exactly like its predecessor, except with zombies because why not make a sequel? Movie studios have certainly done worse.
Amy Adams as John Adams and John Quincy Adams in Enchanted Braintree: Amy Adams is garnering Oscar buzz with her dual role as John Adams and John Quincy Adams. Transported from the magical kingdom of “The Thirteen Colonies,” John Adams has to cope with being in a new land, The United States of America.
With the help of Abigail, his wife, John not only adapts to this new place, but thrives, soon becoming the leader of the country and the progenitor of a political dynasty. The final scene between John and his son, Quincy, with Amy Adams deftly playing both roles, will tug at your heartstrings.
Andrew Garfield as James Garfield in The Federal Network: Filled with political intrigue and backstabbing, The Federal Network is about the disillusionment of convincing yourself you were responsible for someone else’s success. For years, Charles Julius Guiteau had been trying to make his way into politics and had convinced himself that he was responsible for getting James Garfield elected president.
He thought that would naturally lead to a political appointment, but was shut out by Secretary of State James Blaine. After this encounter, Guiteau believed God told him to kill the President, which led to their devastating encounter at the Baltimore and Potomac Railroad Station.
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Brian Morell is an awesome librarian from New York City. He writes about his travels and life at That Long Yellow Line and about music for The Ruckus. Follow him on Twitter @goodinthestacks.
