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Star Trek Beyond is out in theaters today! Captain Kirk and Spock are back to save the galaxy from evil. But what if the greatest sci-fi baddies of all time faced off against the Star Trek Enterprise crew?

Star Trek, like the two earliest Enterprises (the USS and the NX-01), began with a narrow focus on an elite crew of scientists and military men.  These ships were more similar to a modern military vessel, spartan and only consisting of active duty officers.  Yet as time went on, as the United Federation of Planets and its exploratory arm, Starfleet, continued to develop, the Enterprise broadened into a concurrent scientific ship and family home – and with this evolution, required to deal with the complications and dramas so inherent to any family home. 

One of the most complicated relationships throughout Star Trek, explored throughout centuries and across the galaxies, is that of  the legacies of fathers and their children.  From Sarek, struggling to understand the effects of Spock’s human emotions to Jake Sisko, searching to separate his identity from that of his father while isolated on a deep space Starfleet base.  Yet amongst the multitude of Starfleet officers with children, there are some particularly notable Starfleet officers, at both extreme ends of parenting.  Here we have not the best and worst Starfleet officers (indeed, one of the worst fathers on this list is arguably the best Starfleet officer of all time,) but a judgement as to their personal lives.  Who are the best and worst fathers in Starfleet?

Worst: James T. Kirk

Star Trek has been and will always be a cultural phenomenon. The new set of movies has brought a whole new generation of viewers into the fandom and has sparked the imaginations of those who dream of “the final frontier.” While we at Quirk are incredibly excited about the next film, Star Trek: Beyond, we must still think to the future when all of the stars of the will no longer be able to take time out of their busy schedules for a massive ensemble piece. That leaves us with the question of what takes place next. How about a new younger cast for a Next Generation film.

Summer has arrived and with it comes a cool batch of the best bookish, geeky, and crafty links that the internet has to offer. Celebrate summer with some homemade funnel cakes and a new book to honor the season. Most importantly, make sure to have an excellent week!

All Things Bookish

Here’s a list of books that take place over one summer.

Can these books make you a better person?

Colum McCann offers some writing advice.

Do you enjoy reading at the beach?

All Things Geeky

Neil Gaiman wrote about his love of Batman comics.

Get more details about the new Zelda game.

Build-a-Bear has added a special Star Trek collection.

All Things Crafty

Turn your home into a mermaid’s grotto.

Make your own pressed flower art.

Please send these funnel cakes to Quirk HQ.

Samwise Gamgee is a man of many desirable traits. He’s courageous, resourceful, logical, and not to mention a loyal friend. But when he isn’t out helping Frodo save the world, you may find that Sam is a man of simplicity. And we have a feeling that Sam would know how to vacation in style. If you’re looking to kick back on vacation like Sam, rent a little bungalow. Trust us, Sam would totally stay in a quiet little one-story house by the shore, and he’d make sure to take a few essentials with him. Use these tips inspired by our favorite hobbit for your best vacation yet.

Potatoes and homegrown herbs and spices

Po-tay-toes. Boil ‘em, mash ‘em, stick ‘em in a stew. When stocking your beach bungalow, make sure you pick up a decent selection of potatoes. For real, what can’t they do? What can’t they be? The beauty of a quiet beach house is that you can stay in and cook your own meals if you wish to do so, and potatoes provide an endless amount of possibilities! As a gardener, Sam would also have a whole slew of homegrown herbs and spices, and so should you.

Frying pan

Keeping in line with food related items, the frying pan is crucial to your vacation needs, especially if your rented space isn’t already stocked with one. We think Sam would bring his own, anyway. It’s a comfort of home. To a foodie, the cooking utensil is every bit as important as the actual food. Plus, if all hell breaks loose, you can use your frying pan as a weapon like Sam did in Balin’s Tomb.

Pipe and pipe weed

Picture it. Hairy feet in the sand, book in lap, smoking a pipe, the waves whooshing back at low tide. Nothing else. This is your entire world, if only for a short while. Don’t worry if you aren’t a pipe smoker. Use it as decoration on a shelf in the main room of your bungalow. It adds a touch of elegance, if you will.

Bug repellent

Bug bites can wreck an otherwise perfect vacation. Being itchy is the worst. And if you’re anything like Sam, bugs are the ultimate foe, and spiders are the greatest evil of all. They might be even worse than Sauron. Avoid the bites by simply spraying yourself with repellent before heading outside. Douse yourself in it if necessary, and then keep it close by just in case. Be gone, spiders and bugs! You are not welcome here.

Access to a nearby buffet

Although Sam would probably stay in a good portion of the time, access to an all-day buffet would make his vacation absolutely perfect. Make sure your vacation spot is located close to a buffet so you can have breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner, and supper. Can’t miss those. Actually, do 24-hour buffets exist? Are those a thing? If so, plan your vacation location around that.

Your best friend

If you’re half as kind and loyal as Sam, you have a best friend who would love to come stay with you in your little bungalow by the shore. You can cook and read together, swim in the ocean, and have long talks at night while drinking tea and watching the stars. Friends like these are hard to come by, but once you find that person, your vacation is their vacation. Only they will say, “I can’t carry it for you…but I can carry you.” A friend is the greatest essential of all.

It seems like everything has been made into a reality TV show these days. Worried that there isn’t anything left to binge watch on your lazy Sunday? Think again! Here are casting calls for four imagined reality shows we’d love to watch, inspired by the titles of four awesome books. Paging reality show writers:

Year of Yes

Casting News:

Do you feel like your life has stalled? Or maybe you just never had a chance to hop on the right path towards your dream job? Dream life? We want to help! If you’re selected you’ll spend one year, all expenses paid, chasing after your dreams. All you have to do is say YES! to any opportunity that comes your way—Starting with filling out the application and creating a 5-minute video showing us how enthusiastic you are about the chance to be on the Year of Yes.

Everything I Never Told You

Casting News:

There’s a million dollars on the table and all you have to do is tell the person you are closet to (whether that be your partner, parent, or best friend) the list of the worst things you’ve done in your life. How do you get the million bucks? You have to come completely clean on all of the details AND this person has to completely forgive you. Trust us we’ll know…

If you think you can handle it email us one of your secrets to I’[email protected]

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

*Secret interoffice memo draft

To: Reality Development Department

From: Your alien overload. (Ha, jk it’s Raquel.)

Okay team, this will only work if we’re the first so we need applications and production proposals ready for as soon as space travel is open to the public. Titled The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, think Real World in space: “This is the true story of seven strangers picked to travel in space and have their lives taped. Find out what happens when gravity stops existing and people start?? (finish sentence and check with legal if Real World will sue)

The Regional Office is Under Attack!

*Drunk email sent to self

From: Taylor

To: Taylor

Subject: READ before morning meeting

Remember to pitch The Regional Office is Under Attack!–every month a business is selected and a team of trained assassins (paintball enthusiasts) will have one week to plan their attack. Their goal is to find a flag, hidden somewhere in the office, and get back to the parking lot with it. The other office may be surprised by the attack, but paintball guns will be hidden on location for them to find and use to defend themselves. If they succeed in defending their office, they get a bonus. If the attackers succeed, they get sponsor money. CHA-CHING! Don’t forget to reference Michael Scott (OOH check to see if his cutout is still in closet—wait, did we draw on his forehead?)