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Samwise Gamgee is a man of many desirable traits. He’s courageous, resourceful, logical, and not to mention a loyal friend. But when he isn’t out helping Frodo save the world, you may find that Sam is a man of simplicity. And we have a feeling that Sam would know how to vacation in style. If you’re looking to kick back on vacation like Sam, rent a little bungalow. Trust us, Sam would totally stay in a quiet little one-story house by the shore, and he’d make sure to take a few essentials with him. Use these tips inspired by our favorite hobbit for your best vacation yet.

Potatoes and homegrown herbs and spices

Po-tay-toes. Boil ‘em, mash ‘em, stick ‘em in a stew. When stocking your beach bungalow, make sure you pick up a decent selection of potatoes. For real, what can’t they do? What can’t they be? The beauty of a quiet beach house is that you can stay in and cook your own meals if you wish to do so, and potatoes provide an endless amount of possibilities! As a gardener, Sam would also have a whole slew of homegrown herbs and spices, and so should you.

Frying pan

Keeping in line with food related items, the frying pan is crucial to your vacation needs, especially if your rented space isn’t already stocked with one. We think Sam would bring his own, anyway. It’s a comfort of home. To a foodie, the cooking utensil is every bit as important as the actual food. Plus, if all hell breaks loose, you can use your frying pan as a weapon like Sam did in Balin’s Tomb.

Pipe and pipe weed

Picture it. Hairy feet in the sand, book in lap, smoking a pipe, the waves whooshing back at low tide. Nothing else. This is your entire world, if only for a short while. Don’t worry if you aren’t a pipe smoker. Use it as decoration on a shelf in the main room of your bungalow. It adds a touch of elegance, if you will.

Bug repellent

Bug bites can wreck an otherwise perfect vacation. Being itchy is the worst. And if you’re anything like Sam, bugs are the ultimate foe, and spiders are the greatest evil of all. They might be even worse than Sauron. Avoid the bites by simply spraying yourself with repellent before heading outside. Douse yourself in it if necessary, and then keep it close by just in case. Be gone, spiders and bugs! You are not welcome here.

Access to a nearby buffet

Although Sam would probably stay in a good portion of the time, access to an all-day buffet would make his vacation absolutely perfect. Make sure your vacation spot is located close to a buffet so you can have breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner, and supper. Can’t miss those. Actually, do 24-hour buffets exist? Are those a thing? If so, plan your vacation location around that.

Your best friend

If you’re half as kind and loyal as Sam, you have a best friend who would love to come stay with you in your little bungalow by the shore. You can cook and read together, swim in the ocean, and have long talks at night while drinking tea and watching the stars. Friends like these are hard to come by, but once you find that person, your vacation is their vacation. Only they will say, “I can’t carry it for you…but I can carry you.” A friend is the greatest essential of all.

It seems like everything has been made into a reality TV show these days. Worried that there isn’t anything left to binge watch on your lazy Sunday? Think again! Here are casting calls for four imagined reality shows we’d love to watch, inspired by the titles of four awesome books. Paging reality show writers:

Year of Yes

Casting News:

Do you feel like your life has stalled? Or maybe you just never had a chance to hop on the right path towards your dream job? Dream life? We want to help! If you’re selected you’ll spend one year, all expenses paid, chasing after your dreams. All you have to do is say YES! to any opportunity that comes your way—Starting with filling out the application and creating a 5-minute video showing us how enthusiastic you are about the chance to be on the Year of Yes.

Everything I Never Told You

Casting News:

There’s a million dollars on the table and all you have to do is tell the person you are closet to (whether that be your partner, parent, or best friend) the list of the worst things you’ve done in your life. How do you get the million bucks? You have to come completely clean on all of the details AND this person has to completely forgive you. Trust us we’ll know…

If you think you can handle it email us one of your secrets to I’[email protected]

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

*Secret interoffice memo draft

To: Reality Development Department

From: Your alien overload. (Ha, jk it’s Raquel.)

Okay team, this will only work if we’re the first so we need applications and production proposals ready for as soon as space travel is open to the public. Titled The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, think Real World in space: “This is the true story of seven strangers picked to travel in space and have their lives taped. Find out what happens when gravity stops existing and people start?? (finish sentence and check with legal if Real World will sue)

The Regional Office is Under Attack!

*Drunk email sent to self

From: Taylor

To: Taylor

Subject: READ before morning meeting

Remember to pitch The Regional Office is Under Attack!–every month a business is selected and a team of trained assassins (paintball enthusiasts) will have one week to plan their attack. Their goal is to find a flag, hidden somewhere in the office, and get back to the parking lot with it. The other office may be surprised by the attack, but paintball guns will be hidden on location for them to find and use to defend themselves. If they succeed in defending their office, they get a bonus. If the attackers succeed, they get sponsor money. CHA-CHING! Don’t forget to reference Michael Scott (OOH check to see if his cutout is still in closet—wait, did we draw on his forehead?)

It is that time of year—summer—which of course means barbeques and picnics galore! Neighbors and friends get together to share food that has been grilled or pulled out from an icy cooler. If you are anything like us, you cannot help but look at the food with a bit of skepticism. Did they really cook the meat long enough? Is that cooler at the right temperature to preserve the food? Will I get food poisoning? To help temper your paranoia, we present you a list of five characters who have eaten strange items and didn’t get food poisoning (at least in the standard sense of the term).

Persephone from Greek Mythology

Apparently you can eat food from the Underworld and not get any indigestion. When Persephone eats pomegranate seeds from Hades’ kingdom, she doesn’t have any side effects. At least, not when it comes to her physical health. She does have to return to the Underworld because she consumed the seeds. On second thought, maybe that is the equivalent of food poisoning for immortals.

Count Ugolino from The Inferno by Dante Alighieri

Dante makes us think of Hell’s Kitchen in a whole new way. Count Ugolino must spend eternity gnawing on the Archbishop Ruggieri degli Ubaldini’s head. How did he end up in this ninth circle of hell? Well, it is a long story, but the theme of betrayal plays a huge role. Basically, don’t do it. Although he has to snack on the Archbishop’s head for eternity (and let’s face it, that’s pretty terrible), Count Ugolino does take a moment of rest to chat with Dante. That is something, right?

Alice from Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

We have got to hand it to Alice: the girl has guts. It takes a certain kind of person to eat or drink something without really understanding its purpose or potential consequences. In fact, that would be a huge reason for many people not to partake in these refreshments. Alice did shrink and grow a bit too large, but she doesn’t experience any other symptoms of physical discomfort. In the end, she does return to her original size, so we would say there is no harm done.

Violet Beauregarde from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl

Like Alice, Violet is a girl who is not afraid to experiment with food. In this case, Violet willingly chews gum that she knows is still in its testing phase. As a result, she takes on the flavor and essence of the gum and turns into a blueberry. Let this be a lesson to you folks: always wait for food to be approved by the FDA. Sure, it may not give you food poisoning, but you could spend the rest of your life as a piece of fruit. And we all know that is not a very good look on anyone.

Baz from Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

There are so many vampires in literature to choose from. There is the classic Count Dracula. There is the sparkly, dreamy Edward Cullen from the Twilight series. But the vampire who really sticks out in our minds for having an iron stomach is Baz. Like all vampires, he does drink blood, but he is pretty principled about it—he drinks blood from rats in very creepy places. Instead of making him ill, blood actually gives Baz strength and is a necessary part of his diet. We lobby that there is a new food pyramid created for vampires. 

We know April Fools’ Day has come and gone, but it is never too soon to start planning pranks for next year. As we all know, the most elaborate pranks take the most time to plot. What better way to pull inspiration than from books? We have compiled a list of the best pranks and pranksters in literature.  

The Odyssey by Homer

Toss aside your copy of Us Weekly. We’ve gathered up characters from different books in similar ensembles, and then we took the pairings to book lovers for a vote. Check out these outfit twins to see who won, who lost, and whose look you’ll be stealing for your night out this weekend.

Every year we get to celebrate our parents with Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. But what about those awesome people who watch the kids when the parents are busy or at work? While we are happy to celebrate parents’ contributions, we would like to take a moment to appreciate those whose job is to take care of children when the parents are away. So, in honor of them, we have compiled a list of our favorite childcare providers in books.

Jane Eyre from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte