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John J. McGurk is Vice President, Digital & Print Production at Quirk Books. Since joining the company in 2007 he has supervised production of more than 450 print and e-books, including Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, William Shakespeare’s Star Wars, and many other bestsellers that would’ve done just fine without him.

(Photo by Jason Rosewell on Unsplash)

Happy Save Your Hearing Day! In honor of this obscure and bizarre holiday, we've compiled a list of literature’s loudest characters. You know, so you can avoid them if you see them on the street (or on your bookshelf).

[Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay]

This past Monday was World Goth Day, an opportunity for goths of all creeds and subcultures to come together and celebrate the goth community as a whole. That idea took many of us down a trip to memory lane: specifically, to the early 2000s, when we were in high school and expressing ourselves with goth music and fashion meant we were cutting edge. As we tossed around recollections of saving up for a lace-trimmed skirt at Hot Topic or an album by The Cure, we wondered: what if some of our favorite authors were in high school at the same time? How would they act? How would they look?

The following, friends, are our best guesses at how six beloved authors would make out as teenaged goths.

[Movie till from The Great Gatsby 2013, Warner Bros.]

Tomorrow is Be a Millionaire Day. Strange holiday, but hey, it gives these fictional millionaires a chance to pass on some of their wisdom to you. It’s up to you to decide if it’s advice worth following.

[Movie still from Guardians of the Galaxy, Marvel Studios]

The Guardians of the Galaxy is an impressive collection of oddballs and misfits, but what of those aliens and otherworldly beings who are too odd for the oddballs? Here’s a list of the folks that wanted to guard the galaxy, but who didn’t have the same capability as foul-mouthed raccoon and a walking tree.

Who has time to read a whole novel these days? With expediency in mind, here are classic works of literature condensed to that most indispensable of poetic forms, the limerick.

Les Miserables

Val Jean, who stole a baguette

Leaves prison without paying his debt

During the French Revolution

He finds a solution:

Be a good dad to his daughter, Cosette

Oliver Twist

Oliver was a boy who was born poor

And caused a row when he asked for more

He falls in with thieves,

Escapes his half-brother’s misdeeds

And declines to settle the score

The Handmaid’s Tale

Offred had her rights removed

By a regime that just wanted her brood

But the Mayday resistance

Offers questionable assistance

And despite qualms, Offred vamoosed

Beloved

Sethe and Denver answer a ghost’s call

And let her have the run of the hall

But as the ghost hangs around

Denver calls in the town

Because slavery leaves scars on us all

The Great Gatsby

Gatsby has himself a scheme

To re-seduce the girl of his dreams

But a billboard with eyes

Watches all of his lies

And he ends up floating downstream

Ulysses

Both Dedalus and Bloom profess

That philosophy is anyone’s guess

They pad around Dublin

Both pub-out and pub-in

But it all hinges on Molly’s “Yes”

Pride & Prejudice

Liz had a poor opinion of Darcy

Because he did not like to party

But as she got to know him

Her love began to grow in

Though she told him off for being a smarty!