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As we know, there are some characters written out there who would make amazing boyfriends. Well, for every one decent human being, there are dozens of terrible ones. I mean, terrible. Would-not-date-ever. And I’m not entirely sure why anyone would.

That’s right: March 2, 1904, is the birthday of Dr. Seuss, a.k.a Theodore Seuss Geisel.

We’re lucky to live in a word that contains The Cat in the Hat, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Horton Hears a Who, and all the other frub-bubbulous books of Dr. Seuss… but have you ever wondered what it would be like in a world in which every book was written by Dr. Seuss? Probably not, because you use your brain for other things.

But in honor of the man who proved that a fox can indeed walk around in socks, we’ve used the Quirk Books Literary Atom-Smasher to bring you these well-known opening lines from a few great works of literature, as Dr. Seuss might have improved them. Enjoy!

from A Tale of One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, and Two Cities
by Dr. Seuss

Best times,
Worst times,
Wise times,
Blurst times.

Blue times,
Light times,
Fool times,
Night times.

These peasants don’t have anything,
Those nobles have their gold and rings.
But look, here comes the guillotine.

What happens at the guillotine?
I don’t know, go ask the king.

—

from Green Eggs and Ham and Ulysses
By Dr. Seuss

-I am Buck.
-Buck I am.
-Stately, plump Buck Mulligan
-Do you like green eggs and ham?
-Tell me something, Mulligan,

-Won’t you make Haines go away?
–Introibo ad altare Dei.
-I do not like green eggs and ham,
-I do not like them, Mulligan.

-I will not eat them while you shave,
-I will not eat them in a cave.
-I will not eat them when it rains
-I will not eat them with that Haines
-I will not eat them in a shed
-And by the way, my mom’s still dead.

—

from Oh, The Places Moby Dick Will Go, or Horton Hears A Whale
by Dr. Seuss

A long time ago in a New England town,
Horton the Elephant wandered around.
His mood went from glum to gloomy to worse,
He hadn’t a single coin left in his purse.
He thought that the only solution would be
To take a long voyage out on the sea.
When all of the sudden he heard a small cry
From a speck of dust spiraling down from the sky.
“How odd,” Horton said, “But I’ll answer that call,”
“A person’s a person, no matter how small.”
“Who are you?” he asked it, “And where do you dwell?”
And then a voice said, “Call me Ishmael.”

—

from The Moof-Merkulous Metamorphosis of Bartholomew Cubbins
By Dr. Seuss

The sun has come up
But this man’s still in bed
It seems that he barely
Can lift up his head.

He tries to roll over
And onto the rug
But finds out he’s somehow
Turned into a bug.

“I’m a roach,” moans the man
“Somehow I’ve have changed.
The parts of my body
are all rearranged!”

“My legs are all wiggly,
And six is too many.
My head is now topped with
Long, pointy antennae.”

“I look like a cockroach!
I feel like a jerk!
And the worst thing of all is
I’ll be late for work!”

If there is one thing I don’t miss about reading A Song of Ice and Fire (aka those Game of Thrones books), it’s the heart wrenching randomness with which George R.R. Martin assassinates his characters. I’ve been there. I’ve seen it. I have my flashbacks.

Sigh, oh Ned Stark… I’ll miss you the most, scarecrow Hand of the King. But this isn’t about you; this is about the character I can enjoy for more than half a book. For characters who will be around. These are some awesome fantasy characters that weren’t written by George R.R. Martin, but that people should know about any way.

Note, some spoilers in the blurbs below.

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Hollywood has relied heavily on the tried-and-true stories of yesteryear, and this selection of Winter/Spring film releases is no different. America will be reacquainted with some familiar faces and travel down well-paved storylines with the release of several classic novels on the big screen.

If you’re a reader and a reader of this blog, chances are you have considered joining or are part of a book club. What better way to find your new favorite book and your new best friend than in a group of people that read and talk for fun?

When it comes to kids clothes, it can be hard to assemble a polished look that can withstand a youngster’s energy. But if there’s anyone who knows how to merge fashion and utility, it’s style photographer and blogger Scott Schuman.

Known best for his street photography blog, The Sartorialist, this newly minted book author also manages to pull off a laid-back personal style but with classic, international flare.

Inspired by his trademark photographer’s cargo jacket and fitted gentleman’s pants, we’ve put together an outfit for a fancy toddler with an early eye for fashion.

Black Cargo Jacket, 77Kids, on sale now for $19.99

Several pockets are essential for storing easy-to-lose gear, like lens caps, CF cards, batteries, GI Joes, LEGOs, ABC gum…