Cures for Hangovers From Some of Literature’s Best Drinkers

For those who may be suffering from a post-St. Patty’s day hangover, time to turn down the brightness on your laptop and phone screen, lower the blinds, put on sweats, and if you’re at work, we sincerely hope you make it to 5 PM. In the meantime, let these book characters teach you how to beat the hangover woes.

Tyrion Lannister // Game of Thrones

Tyrion’s tried and true method? Keep drinking. When you’re surrounded by the Lannister clan, sometimes that’s all you can do. Whip up a classic Bloody Mary like this one from Maria Del Mar Sacasa and Tara Striano’s Summer Cocktails. Tyrion’s all about the hair of the dog, so add a giant celery stick and sip away.

Grady Tripp // Wonder Boys

The master of the drunken weekend and the midnight disease would tell you to kick back and handle your hangover like he would—not the smoking weed part, but the part where he drives to his mistress Sara’s house in his butt-dented Galaxie 500 with extremely questionable items in the trunk. Writers, man. They’re all nuts.

The Miller // Canterbury Tales

Robin the drunken miller tells the second tale in Geoffrey Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, and he warns his audience before he begins that he is, in fact, drunk. He tells the insulting tale of a carpenter and his wife, despite the protest of Osewald the Reeve, a former carpenter himself.

The miller’s cure: Tell a disparaging story to an audience that doesn’t want to hear it. If you’ve had too much alcohol, you can’t be held accountable anyway. And at least you’ll have a crude laugh while nursing that hangover.

Zane // Last Call at the Nightshade Lounge (out June 7th!) 

Zane’s quick fix is similar to Tyrion’s—if you feel a wicked hangover approaching, add more liquor. But the similarities stop there. Zane prefers to whip up a special cocktail, like a screwdriver (one third vodka, two thirds orange juice) that lends its drinker inhuman strength. Still not feeling 100%? Go out and protect the public by killing a Tremen.

Townsfolk of Hart // Grendel

A giant mead hall is great for getting your drink on. But during the twelve-year war, Grendel raids Hart multiple times, methodically killing townsfolk due to his learned hatred for mankind. So in short, the cure for drinking too much mead doesn’t matter. By the time your hangover rolls around, you’re probably already dead.