Characters Who Need to Reevaluate Their Lives

[Still from Little Women 1994, Columbia Pictures]

On October 19, people will be evaluating their lives for Evaluate Your Life Day. People will break up with unhealthy partners, take up new exercise routines, and go back to school to pursue their dream jobs. We have compiled a list of some characters who should evaluate their lives, and we have provided a few suggestions to help them get back on track.

Faust from Dr. Faustus by Christopher Marlowe

Oh, Faust. We want magic powers too. We get it. But we don’t think it worth selling our soul over. Especially since you didn’t really use them for anything cool. You just did a bunch of practical jokes with your magic. If you want to prank you friends, we recommend you check out a joke shop or hang out with Ashton Kutcher. Besides, you only have your powers for 24 years. Is an eternity of pain really worth it?

Mr. Micawber from David Copperfield by Charles Dickens

We love your optimistic attitude of “something will turn up,” but we are not sure if anything can turn up when you are in debtor’s prison. Okay, sure, you will eventually become manager of the Port Middlebay Bank in Australia, but we are worried about the financial stability of the bank. We recommend that you take some financial classes before you run the bank into the ground. We are not sure you have learned from your previous financial mistakes.

Jo March from Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

When you chose Professor Bhaer over Laurie, young women around the world grabbed their hair and screamed, “Why?!” Laurie was actually supportive of your writing, while Professor Bhaer spent his time belittling your dreams. Besides, your chemistry with Laurie was off the charts. Professor Bhaer is old and boring. We recommend that you stop him from making a terrible life decision of rebounding with your youngest sister by marrying him instead. 

Vladimir and Estragon from Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett

We have to give you both props for your patience; it is not easy to wait for days under a tree for a guy to come by. We get frustrated if we have to wait more than a second for a YouTube video to load. Still, we think it is getting a bit pathetic. It is clear Godot is never coming. Take a hint and move on with your lives. Find a friend who will not stand you up.

Lord Voldemort from the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling

If people are afraid to say your name, it is definitely time to evaluate your life. We think you are going a bit overboard in your mad quest for power. I mean, you are killing people, which is wrong, but you are also going after children. Think about your life; think about your choices. If you really like strategy, pick up chess. Also, as Muggles, we would like to say that we are not that bad. You should definitely be more open-minded.