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That’s right: March 2, 1904, is the birthday of Dr. Seuss, a.k.a Theodore Seuss Geisel.

We’re lucky to live in a word that contains The Cat in the Hat, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Horton Hears a Who, and all the other frub-bubbulous books of Dr. Seuss… but have you ever wondered what it would be like in a world in which every book was written by Dr. Seuss? Probably not, because you use your brain for other things.

But in honor of the man who proved that a fox can indeed walk around in socks, we’ve used the Quirk Books Literary Atom-Smasher to bring you these well-known opening lines from a few great works of literature, as Dr. Seuss might have improved them. Enjoy!

from A Tale of One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, and Two Cities
by Dr. Seuss

Best times,
Worst times,
Wise times,
Blurst times.

Blue times,
Light times,
Fool times,
Night times.

These peasants don’t have anything,
Those nobles have their gold and rings.
But look, here comes the guillotine.

What happens at the guillotine?
I don’t know, go ask the king.

—

from Green Eggs and Ham and Ulysses
By Dr. Seuss

-I am Buck.
-Buck I am.
-Stately, plump Buck Mulligan
-Do you like green eggs and ham?
-Tell me something, Mulligan,

-Won’t you make Haines go away?
–Introibo ad altare Dei.
-I do not like green eggs and ham,
-I do not like them, Mulligan.

-I will not eat them while you shave,
-I will not eat them in a cave.
-I will not eat them when it rains
-I will not eat them with that Haines
-I will not eat them in a shed
-And by the way, my mom’s still dead.

—

from Oh, The Places Moby Dick Will Go, or Horton Hears A Whale
by Dr. Seuss

A long time ago in a New England town,
Horton the Elephant wandered around.
His mood went from glum to gloomy to worse,
He hadn’t a single coin left in his purse.
He thought that the only solution would be
To take a long voyage out on the sea.
When all of the sudden he heard a small cry
From a speck of dust spiraling down from the sky.
“How odd,” Horton said, “But I’ll answer that call,”
“A person’s a person, no matter how small.”
“Who are you?” he asked it, “And where do you dwell?”
And then a voice said, “Call me Ishmael.”

—

from The Moof-Merkulous Metamorphosis of Bartholomew Cubbins
By Dr. Seuss

The sun has come up
But this man’s still in bed
It seems that he barely
Can lift up his head.

He tries to roll over
And onto the rug
But finds out he’s somehow
Turned into a bug.

“I’m a roach,” moans the man
“Somehow I’ve have changed.
The parts of my body
are all rearranged!”

“My legs are all wiggly,
And six is too many.
My head is now topped with
Long, pointy antennae.”

“I look like a cockroach!
I feel like a jerk!
And the worst thing of all is
I’ll be late for work!”

Join Quirk Books and author/artist Mike Joyce to celebrate the launch of Swissted: Vintage Rock Posters Remixed and Reimagined on March 14!

Mar 14, 2013
7:00 pm – 9:30 pm

powerHouse Arena
37 Main Street 
Brooklyn, NY 11201 (map)

powerHouse arena in Brooklyn will play host to a celebration of the two coolest subcultures ever to come together in a poster book: Modernist Swiss design and punk rock. Swissted features 200 perforated and ready-to-frame posters of real concerts reimagined with stylish Swiss aesthetics by graphic designer Mike Joyce of Stereotype Design.

Besides drinks and awesome art, the evening will feature the sounds of the legendary drum-and-bass pioneer DJ DB to dance (or mosh) to. Trust us: this is guaranteed to be the most badass typography-related launch party of the year. Don't miss out!

Head to the powerHouse site for more details, and be sure to RSVP on Facebook too! We'll see you there m/

Swissted hits stores on March 5.

If there is one thing I don’t miss about reading A Song of Ice and Fire (aka those Game of Thrones books), it’s the heart wrenching randomness with which George R.R. Martin assassinates his characters. I’ve been there. I’ve seen it. I have my flashbacks.

Sigh, oh Ned Stark… I’ll miss you the most, scarecrow Hand of the King. But this isn’t about you; this is about the character I can enjoy for more than half a book. For characters who will be around. These are some awesome fantasy characters that weren’t written by George R.R. Martin, but that people should know about any way.

Note, some spoilers in the blurbs below.

Image via

The best way to keep your kids busy and to get a good dinner on the table is to enlist their help! Here are some tips on how to create a future foodie from Stuff Every Mom Should Know.

Forget flash cards for a minute–learning words can actually be fun. See, the great thing about the English language is just how flexible, fanciful, adaptable, and extendable it is. Individual words evolve with use, kind of like Pokémon. The entirety of vocabulary gets bigger when it needs to, kind of like a Pokémon deck with an expansion pack. And when writers can’t quite capture the correct word in the wild, they concoct one with syllables from other, older words…kind of like how Pokémon scientists built Mewtwo.

Seriously, and video-game metaphors aside, new words (or neologisms, for those without an Orwellian avoidance of all things non Anglo-Saxon) are a whole bunch of fun (kind of like…never mind). Here’s a few choice coinages from literature and beyond to embiggen your vocabulary.

Have you already stumbled when it comes to your New Years resolutions?