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He’s got your Hanson CD; she’s got your ratty, old college sweatshirt. You don’t really want these items back, but you certainly don’t want them to keep your once prized possessions! Even if you have a copy of your ex’s house key, you’ve still got to figure out how to get in there and grab your things without them noticing. We’ve all been on the other side of that locked door, whether a devious ex has slammed it in your face or you’ve simply locked yourself out of your apartment again.

Jimmying the door frame, gingerly picking at the lock with a stray bobby pin, trying to unscrew the windows that are designed perfectly for keeping people out—these are all signs of someone who has not prepared for this scenario. Really, you should know enough by now to stash a small tool kit in your trunk, and as someone who’s been locked out numerous times and still has neglected to buy a screwdriver, I can tell you that it’s time to get creative about breaking into locked spaces.

There’s such a small window of opportunity to get your stuff back after a break-up, and since it needs to be done as efficiently as possible, use this guide from The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating and Sex to ease you though safely.

Hello you Quirky readers! Since May is national Get Caught Reading Month, I thought I’d walk around our great city of Philadelphia to see what everyone was reading. Take a gander below and maybe you’ll get inspired to pick up a book too!

Name: Ben S., Engineer/Producer of Elevate Sound Studios, and his cat, Dookie
Currently Reading: The Science of Self-Realization by His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada
Says Ben: “I got this book from a monk who was spreading the spiritual word at the big Broad Street Fair a few weeks ago. Figured it would be an interesting read for the spring.”

It’s any author’s worst nightmare: another, really well established writer comes out with a novel with the exact same title. There’s the jealousy, the awkward cocktail-party explanations (“no, I wrote the other one”), and the incalculable damage to the first book’s SEO.

Dante Aligheri has been dead for a while, so his reaction to Dan Brown’s new novel Inferno will likely be limited to a little grave-spinning. But that doesn’t mean we can’t put the two writers head-to-head for a little comparison challenge!

In this corner: best-selling novelist, armchair cryptologist, and occasional songwriter Dan “Dan” Brown! And in this corner, Il Sommo Poeta, the Father of the Italian Language himself, Dante “Dan” Aligheri!

DING!

On May 14, 2013, George Lucas turns the ripe old age of 69.  And, as I’m sure you are aware, Mr. Lucas recently sold his sizable galactic empire to Disney.  What you may not know is that Quirk has a book called Disneystrology: What Your Birthday Character Says About You. So, I thought it might be fun to see what Mr. Lucas’ birthday character says about him. So without further ado, I present George Lucas’ Disney star-sign soulmate:

 One of the first limericks known to man. Note the obscenity in line two.

Sunday, May 12, is National Limerick Day, an event traditionally celebrated by dressing like Edward Lear and rhyming things with Nantucket. But for all the hallowed tradition surrounding this beloved poetic form, most of us know precious little about the limerick and how it became such a popular from of rhymery. So this weekend, while you’re out mailing limerick cards and singing limerick carols and visiting the nuclear power plant in Limerick, PA, take a moment to ponder the storied history of this simple but profound method of expressing life’s truths.

As much as it might pain us, sometimes we have to put down a book and stop reading. We know—it’s awful. But it doesn’t have to be! We have searched the Internet (okay, Etsy) for handmade bookmarks that pay tribute to your favourite pop culture icons. Treat yourself to a literary present and celebrate your favorite things every time you turn the page.