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Being a werewolf is no walk in the park. How do you handle changing at the full moon every month? How do you prepare? Thankfully, The Worst-Case Scenario Handbook: Paranormal Edition has this totally covered. A good thing, too, or who knows what would happen.

Recently, Pizza Hut announced the revival of their classic program from the 80s and 90s: Book It! A program from October through March, Pizza Hut worked with local schools to encourage children to read, in exchange for personal pizzas and other rewards. Sounds pretty much amazing, right?

And while I’m sure it will carry over for the kids of this generation, I grew curious about what sort of rewards adults would get, the adults who grew up with Book It originally. It got me thinking.

So below, here are some of the pizzas and prizes adults should get for reading adult fiction!

Pizza via Trip Advisor

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen: A classic in every sense of the word. This pizza would be a pepperoni pizza cooked to crispy perfection, to complement Elizabeth Bennett’s spicy, saucy, yet dignified take downs of that stubborn, brooding Mr. Darcy. If you’re looking for a classic with a hidden twist, read Jane Eyre for a chance at cheesy crust; totally in line with hiding something at the top of the house, so to say.

Pizza via My Recipes

Moby Dick by Herman Melville: Once you’ve finished with this whale of a tale, hop on down for a cheese pizza with a topping of anchovies, to remind you of the cunning white whale you just hunted. Just because the book is a soggy, awful look at man’s obsessive nature, doesn’t mean your own pizza can’t be fun! If you read it within a week, you get a free whale blubber lamp as a bonus prize.

Pizza via Sodahead

Any Book Written by Toni Morrison: Toni Morrison is an amazing writer, one of the best in the last one hundred years of literature, and I can guarantee that every one of her books will leave you a sobbing mess. For this pizza, you get every topping you want, smothered in feel-good ranch and hot sauce, the perfect pizza to sit on your couch, wrapped in a blanket, sobbing, trying to process your feelings. If that isn’t enough, throw in a box of dessert cinnamon sticks.

Photo via My Recipes

The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway: Cheese. Sauce. Crust. You want more? Read a different book, kid. Hemingway is a minimalist with an attitude. Hell, you’ll be lucky to even get cheese on that pizza. Y’know what? Screw it, let’s make it a margarita pizza with sauce, bread and basil. That’s all you get. The basil is still a stretch but even Hemingway didn’t hate flavor that much.

Gravity’s Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon: This pizza goes for Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace and Ulysses by James Joyce. If you manage to finish any one of these three books, then guess what? Full pizza buffet. I won’t even stop you from getting thirds or fourths. Because getting through these massive tomes of literary achievement grants you full immunity, and total permission to raid the Pizza Hut buffet. Hell, I’ll find a cold six-pack for you somewhere, because if you finish any of these, and are still conscious, then you deserve it, cowboy.

So get out there and read, friends! Get your kids to read, your nieces and nephews, your students. Because reading is amazing and worthwhile and takes you to other worlds, where you can learn more about yourself and life at the same time.

And when you get back from those worlds, pizza awaits.

What’s not to love about that?

There’s certainly no shortage of science fiction and fantasy-inspired crafts on the internet, and it can sometimes be hard to make heads or tails of the offerings. Would it be better to create a felt Triffid, or embroider a map of Middle Earth? Would heading to a pottery studio to make a replica pensieve be a good use of your time? Or how about a papier maché Nautilus?

The choices is intimidating, so to streamline the process and get your crafting as soon as possible, here is a selection of sci fi and fantasy-inspired cross stitch patterns that are great for beginners.   

This week, the 215 Festival is in full swing. We've highlighted a few events here, but make sure to visit their site to get the full event listing. And not on the calendar, but very important for fall: take a stroll and buy a book from your local bookseller! It's book-curling-tea-sipping weather and you need the correct provisions.

Tonight, Friday, October 24, hit up the Literary Mixtape: 215 Fest Edition: a late-night reading in which people DJ books instead of music, sharing their top hits. Starring Allen Crawford, Kristine Kennedy of Philly Beer Week, and Julia Factorial. 10 p.m., Society Hill Society at 400 S 2nd St.