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How to Live with a Huge Penis

Here’s a gift any man would be proud to receive, even if he doesn’t actually need it. (Frankly, it’s enough for someone to think he needs it.) This hilarious self-help parody is full of compassionate advice for men afflicted with Oversized Male Genitalia (OMG).

Far too often, these men are banished to the fringes of society, victims of their own freakish length and girth. But Dr. Richard Jacob and Rev. Owen Thomas bring a message of tolerance and hope, along with hilarious advice on “coming out” to your family, sharing your assets with a partner, and avoiding injury in the workplace. Complete with a daily affirmations journal and inspiring quotes from leading self-help experts, How to Live with a Huge Penis will send an uplifting message to men around the world.

Dr. Richard Jacob and Rev. Owen Thomas write and lecture extensively on the perils of living with OMG. Watch their public service announcement.

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How to Clone the Perfect Blonde

Clones of Brad Pitt and Cameron Diaz. A robotic housekeeper who makes your bed every morning. A permanent size 6 figure. These are all just fantasies . . . or are they?

How much do you really know about gene therapy, artificial intelligence, and bionic modification?

In How to Clone the Perfect Blonde, award-winning journalists Sue Nelson and Richard Hollingham show how cutting-edge science will eventually make your wildest dreams come true. With amazing anecdotes and breezy humor, they describe the latest discoveries in biotechnology, quantum mechanics, cryogenics, nanotechnology, wormholes, and much more-complete with ironic “instructions” on How to Build a Robotic Servant, How to Live Forever, How to Turn Back Time, and more. You’ll be amazed to learn how many of these “fantasies” are already well within our reach.

In the tradition of bestselling pop-science books such as The Physics of Star Trek and How to Build a Time Machine, this entertaining read explores the science of science fiction-and proves that anything is possible!

SUE NELSON is an award-winning science correspondent for BBC News.

RICHARD HOLLINGHAM is a journalist and presenter for BBC Radio.

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Geeky Dreamboats

Behold, the Geeky Dreamboats, the guilty pleasures of millions of women who ought to know better. Consider Michael Cera, who charmed us in Juno with his golden running shorts and knee-high tube socks. Or Justin Long, the only actor cute enough to play a Mac computer. Or poor little Tobey Maguire, who injured his back while filming Spider-Man 2 because he insisted on doing his own stunts. These unhealthy obsessions are the spiritual core of Geeky Dreamboats, a full-color celebration of the awkward men women love to love, with photographs and profiles of everyone from John Krasinski and Beck to Joe Jonas and Wes Anderson. We’ve also packaged the book with an adorable puffy cover that makes these dreamboats even dreamier. Go ahead and squeeze their cheeks – we won’t tell anyone!

Lacey Soslow is the vice president of the Philadelphia chapter of the Michael Cera Fan Club. She lives in Philadelphia with her very own geeky dreamboat and their dog Seymour.

Sarah O’Brien is an author and editor who lives in Philadelphia. She is available for publicity and John Krasinski, or Ryan Gosling, whoever calls first.

Posted by impart

Friend or Faux

True friends give you strength, validation, and genuinely helpful fashion advice. Faux friends compliment your outfit because they hate it and flirt with your boyfriend the minute you leave for the bathroom. So how can you tell the difference? Friend or Faux has the answers – along with more than 80 hilarious profiles of the most common female friends and frenemies, from the true blue to the truly diabolical. Readers will discover the catchphrases and characteristics of:

* The Creepy-Clinger Friend (”Where are you going?”)
* The So-Slammed-at-Work-Right-Now Friend (”Work is so crazy right now – can I call you back?”)
* The Crazy Cat Lady Friend (”You won’t believe what Butterscotch did!”)
* The Shallow Scenester Friend (”I like your coat – is that Old Navy?”)

And many more. Complete with whimsical illustrations and organized by “threat level” rating, Friend or Faux will teach you how to keep and cherish your closest companions – and how to evade the rest.

Heather Wagner has written for Travel & Leisure, Dwell, Antenna, Yoga Journal, Domino, and SOMA magazines, as well as her popular blog, MissBehavior.

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The Quotable Douchebag

 

Vanity. Arrogance. Cluelessness. Ego. These are the defining traits of douchebags everywhere – and now their most outlandish statements have been compiled into a single volume. The Quotable Douchebag features dozens of boneheaded and tasteless remarks from scores of actors, musicians, athletes, and politicians, including:
 
David Hasselhoff: “There are many dying children out there whose last wish is to meet me.”
 
Gene Simmons: “[I] don’t believe there’s any difference between a monogamous and a polygamous relationship. Those are all just big words, like gymnasium.”
 
Sean Hannity: “I’ll tell you who should be tortured and killed at Guantanamo: every filthy Democrat in the U.S. Congress.”
 
And many, many more. Complete with photographs of these clowns in all of their chest thumping glory, The Quotable Douchebag is the perfect gag gift for anyone fed up with the men in her life.
 
MARGARET MCGUIRE lives in Philadelphia, the city voted the #1 ugliest city by Travel+Leisure magazine.

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Dirty Words of Wisdom

Dirty Words of Wisdom features timeless advice and profound profanity by everyone from Mark Twain and Eleanor Roosevelt to Bernie Mac, Ozzy Osbourne, and Margaret Cho. Here is just one of our favorites:

“You can’t talk about fucking in America. People say you’re dirty. But if you want to talk about killing someone, that’s cool.”
-Richard Pryor

Complete with inspirational full-color artwork and plenty of uncensored, unexpurgated advice, Dirty Words of Wisdom is a literary heirloom that your family will cherish for generations.

SAM STALL and LOU HARRY are the authors of As Seen on TV. They live in Indianapolis and spend their free time in the company of sailors, drill sergeants, and truck drivers.

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