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THE GEEKS HAVE INHERITED THE EARTH.

Computer nerds are our titans of industry; comic-book superheroes are our Hollywood idols; the Internet is our night on the town. Clearly, geeks know something about life in the 21st century that other folks don’t—something we all can learn from. Geek Wisdom takes as gospel some 200 of the most powerful and oft-cited quotes from movies (“Where we’re going, we don’t need roads”), television (“Now we know—and knowing is half the battle”), literature (“All that is gold does not glitter”), games, science, the Internet, and more. Now these beloved pearls of modern-day culture have been painstakingly interpreted by a diverse team of hardcore nerds with their imaginations turned up to 11. Yes, this collection of mini-essays is by, for, and about geeks—but it’s just so surprisingly profound, the rest of us would have to be dorks not to read it. So say we all.

Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without impulse-priced holiday gift books-and now The Onion is bringing its signature irreverence to the genre. Christmas Exposed features more than one hundred shocking tales of secret Santas, shopping mall mayhem, dysfunctional families, and (don't ask) autoerotic asphyxiation. Readers will discover such hard-hitting coverage, like

• Child Bored with Christmas Puppy
• Weed Delivery Guy Saves Christmas
• Jesus "Really Dreading" This Next Birthday
• Man Braves Freezing Weather to Cross Parking Lot
• And many more!

In the tradition of David Sedaris's Holidays on Ice or Lewis Black's I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas, The Onion Presents: Christmas Exposed is the perfect stocking stuffer for the well-informed reader in every family.

The Onion is the world's most popular humor publication. It was started in 1988 by University of Wisconsin-Madison students Tim Keck and Chris Johnson. In a matter of months, The Onion was the stuff of campus legend. Over the years the publication has expanded to many markets, with a significant print and internet presence, as well as books, radio, merchandise and film. The Onion continues its historic evolution from a coltishly admired campus oddity to a world-renowned comedy and media phenomenon. However, the key to the company's success remains its popular and groundbreaking world-class editorial content.

Celebrity chefs? Exotic ingredients? Immersion blenders? Who needs 'em?!? Little Old Lady Recipes honors the extraordinary women who create pot luck dinners, church socials, wedding banquets, and the best desserts you've ever tasted. Every page features their simple, no-frills recipes for pot roast, meat loaf, dumplings, corn bread, fried chicken, bundt cake, and other mouth-watering favorites-along with gorgeous photography of the chefs at work and generous portions of their kitchen table wisdom ("Butter comes from a cow. Tell me where the heck margarine comes from, and then maybe I'll eat it!").

These Little Old Lady Recipes are simple, delicious, and ridiculously cheap and easy to make. So ditch the food processor, stop wasting money on overpriced organic frozen dinners, and start enjoying the 70 classic dishes, plus variations, that our aunties and grandmothers have made for generations!

Meg Favreau is a food writer and comedian living in Los Angeles. Someday she'll have a backyard raspberry garden like her grandmother had. Michael Reali is a photographer based in Philadelphia. In developing this project, he has helped many a little old lady cross the street.

An entertaining and essential collection of stories about the surprising and strange fates of the thirty-nine statesmen who created the U.S. Constitution.
 
Now in paperback with a brand-new cover, this companion volume to Signing Their Lives Away tells the untold stories of the signers of the U.S. Constitution and comes at a time when our constitutional rights are at the forefront of everyone’s minds.

Remember when our elected officials knew how to compromise? Here are short, irreverent, fun, and fact-filled biographies of the 39 men who set aside their differences and signed their names to the U.S. Constitution—the oldest written constitution of any nation in the world. You’ll meet:

• The Signer Who Believed in Aliens
• The Signer Who Was Shot in the Stomach
• The Signer Who Went Bankrupt
• The Peg-Legged Signer
• And many more colorful colonists!

Complete with portraits of every signatory, Signing Their Rights Away provides an entertaining and enlightening narrative for students, history buffs, politicos, and Hamilton fans alike.

FOR RENT: Top two floors of beautifully renovated brownstone, 1300 sq. ft., 2BR 2BA, eat-in kitchen, one block to parks and playgrounds. No broker’s fee.

Susan and Alex Wendt have found their dream apartment.

Sure, the landlady is a little eccentric. And the elderly handyman drops some cryptic remarks about the basement. But the rent is so low, it’s too good to pass up.

Big mistake. Susan soon discovers that her new home is crawling with bedbugs . . . or is it? She awakens every morning with fresh bites, but neither Alex nor their daughter Emma has a single welt. An exterminator searches the property and turns up nothing. The landlady insists her building is clean. Susan fears she’s going mad—until a more sinister explanation presents itself: she may literally be confronting the bedbug problem from Hell.

WIT AND WISDOM FROM A TO Z

With more than 3,000 quotations on everything from fashion and feminism to men, marriage, friendship, history, technology, sports, and more, this massive compilation proves once and for all that women know everything! Each page offers wisdom, wit, and inspiration from a host of legendary women—from Jane Austen and Colette to Madonna, Marilyn Monroe, Toni Morrison, Liz Phair, Ellen DeGeneres, and Naomi Klein. Here’s what they have to say about:

Success
“I still have my feet on the ground. I just wear better shoes.”
—Oprah Winfrey

Men and Women
“Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backward and in high heels.”
—Faith Whittlesey

Being Single
“I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something’s wrong with me.”
—Elayne Boosler

Individuality
“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”
—Judy Garland

Family
“If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don’t be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning ‘Good morning’ at total strangers.”
—Maya Angelou

Quotations
“I always have a quotation for everything—it saves original thinking.”
—Dorothy L. Sayers

With contributions from writers, artists, celebrities, politicians, scientists, and legendary figures all over the world, Women Know Everything! offers addictive reading—and a superb reference—for women of all ages.