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Why I’d Rather Be a Fictional Pirate Than an Actual Pirate

 
 
I am a Pirate.
 
This is known to anyone who has ever spoken to me for more than an hour. It’s not something that can be taught, you’re just born this way. Now if you’re jealous, don’t be. I can’t bake so if you can then that’s an awesome thing you have over on me. But this isn’t a contest. This is about Pirates. And when you’re a pirate people make one very obvious assumption, “I bet you wish you could live back then and be a real pirate!” And my answer is alway, “HELL NO!” (and there’s usually a dramatic record scratch).
 
I don’t blame you for being shocked. How could I love something that much and not wish I could see it or experience it first hand? Well, the short answer is three words long, “Penicillin, anesthesia, birth control.” What do those things have in common? Pirates didn’t have them. In fact they didn’t have a lot of things… like teeth. Most of what the public consciousness perceives as piracy comes from fictitious novels, sensationalized legends, and of course movies. No one ever walked the plank, said yar (unless they were getting run through by a cutlass) and buried treasure wasn’t buried so much as spent IMMEDIATELY in port. 
 
But this misinformation doesn't make me angry. Sure it’s fun to drop knowledge on people about what being a pirate was really like, but in all honesty I love the romanticized figure of the pirate as much as you all do! I’m totally there with you on the whole swinging from ropes thing and dramatic jumps from high cliffs into conveniently deep water! That stuff is fun, exciting, and amazing! As a pirate I am proud of my pirate heritage and well read on the history of my people, but if you’re asking me if I’d rather sail with Black Bart or Capt. Jas Hook the answer is Hook! Hook! Give us the hook! 
 
In honor of September 19th being International Talk Like a Pirate Day here are a couple of more ways being a fictional pirate trumps being an actual gentleman of fortune during The Golden Age of Piracy.

Posted by Jenelle Sosa

Five Books That We’d Love to See As Choose Your Own Adventure Novels

 
We must move forward, or so the saying goes, but I can’t help but miss some things from my childhood.
 
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t miss those pencils that were made of stackable tips (oh the horror when you lost one!) or erasable pens that are really neither pen nor pencil but I do miss a good Choose Your Own Adventure book.
 
Those were the highlight of my childhood and in the interest of bringing back my childhood, I’ve compiled a list of books that would make great Choose Your Own Adventure books. 

Posted by Jessica Yang

Bookish Events in Philadelphia: September 13th – 19th

Get ready to metabolize Citywide Specials and great new writing at a much faster rate: Philly's many reading series are back in swing.

100 years ago, an entrepreneurial family started Snockey's Oyster & Crab House in South Philly. Today, one of their descendants is a poet who hosts readings at the historic restaurant! Do not miss the poems this Saturday (or the chowder).  Frank O'Hara's Last Lover #11 :: Maxe Crandall, Anna Maria Hong and Jason Zuzga September 13, 7:30 p.m.

Or check out the tightly curated Jubilant Thicket reading series on Sunday, September 14. Emily Abendroth is a new Pew fellow; Charles O'Hay's humor is darker than espresso spilled on Philly asphalt. Head House Books, 5:00 p.m.

On Monday, September 15, start your day off by checking out the Poem of the Day at the Penn Book Center website.

Posted by Lillian Dunn

10 Books About Book Lovers

 
Book lovers believe that books are magic, authors are wizards, and readers are…also wizards? Okay, that metaphor died a little, but you know what I mean.
 
Chances are, if you clicked on this post, you identify as a book lover and you want to read books about fellow book lovers. Below is a list of your next ten must-reads, from YA to New York Times bestsellers. 

Posted by Megan Tripp

Worst-Case Wednesday: How to Survive if There Are Children in Your Corn

Halloween will soon be upon us, which means preparations for how to deal with all things supernatural are well under way. Since the world isn’t made up of Sam and Dean Winchesters, we here at Quirk are happy to help in any way we can. Specifically, this means breaking out our copy of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Paranormal Edition.

There are many scenarios covered in the handbook, but Children of the Corn messed us up good, so here’s how to prevent your life from becoming a Stephen King story. And read on for a chance to win your own copy of the handbook for all of your paranormal-fighting needs!

Posted by Basia Padlo

Etsy Roundup: Amazing Book Safes to Stash Your Stuff

Books: they're bigger on the inside! Sometimes literally. Book safes are cool-looking and very handy for hiding away your ~secret things~, but they're a bit of a pain to make (all that cutting and gluing!) Fortunately, some clever Etsy crafters have you covered. Click for our favorite picks!

(Above: Hollow book safe, The Coming Fury, $60, Secret Safe Books)

Posted by Blair Thornburgh