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One of a kid's favorite activities is writing to Santa (well, except for those whose parents told them an AWFUL LIE). In honor of those fond memories, we imagined our favorite fictional characters’ letters to Santa.

Most of us adore the holidays and attending or hosting the parties that come along with them, but face it: there’s always a bit of anxiety over the guest list. Will your crush show up and stand underneath the mistletoe with you, or will you be stuck chatting with an obnoxious coworker at the punch bowl? Maybe it’s just better to sit the whole thing out…

In that spirit, we’ve found five fictional characters who won’t attend your holiday soiree…for better or for worse.

[All movie still from Little Women 1994, Columbia Pictures]

Happy almost birthday, Louisa May Alcott! If she were alive today, this beloved American novelist would be turning 184: she was born on November 29^th in 1832. In honor of her special day, and in honor of the way that Little Women sometimes feels like a book-shaped piece of advice about how to live the life that makes you happy, we’ve rounded up some advice the characters from Little Women might give today.

Warning, though: the characters aren’t always perfect, so you might want to take some of their advice with a grain of salt. Or a teaspoon.

Look, just take the whole canister of salt.

Did your mom ever tell you to stop playing video games and read a book instead? Mom, why the dichotomy between books and games? You can have both! But we real humans aren’t the only people who like to hit the Xbox or gaming PC after a long day of work. Fictional characters would enjoy gaming, too! In an effort to combine the two worlds of the written word and the animated graphic, here are some video game recommendations to our favorite characters.

Original Photo by Brady Hall

The literary community is in luck: Neil Gaiman’s birthday is coming up on November 10! This storytelling genius has produced some of the best books to spirit you away to another world…you know, the kind of book best enjoyed with a blanket, a drizzly day, and a cup of coffee by your side. In honor of his big day, we’ve combined our two favorite things: specialty coffee drinks and books. So what are you waiting for? Pick your preferred poison.

On Halloween, we get excited for—what else?—all the horror stories. In order to save everyone time, we imagined two-sentence short stories written by our favorite fictional characters. But be warned, some of these are downright terrifying…for these characters' standards.