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My cat Milo is a street thug. Well, he isn’t really my cat anymore. Or maybe he never was. Okay, let me go back a bit and explain.

I had the best cat ever in the history of earth for sixteen years. His name was Pooky and he was a cross between a Persian and a Himalayan. So he had Himalayan markings with that beautiful Persian fur, but without his nose being quite so mashed in.

He was the once-in-a-lifetime kitty, the cat no other cat will ever compare to. He went with me to college. He went with me when I got married. He had the most peaceful, Buddha-like energy. He talked to me in this funny little voice that sounded nothing like a cat, but more like a little chirping bird. He hung out sleeping about 23 hours a day, even when he was little, and hunted the smallest bug or ant in the house, and drooled when I patted him. He let me hug him, kiss him and even patiently let me make him dance (albeit with a totally disgusted look on his face). To make it even better, although he was completely docile with me, he hated everyone else, which made him all that more endearing in my mind.

Six months until the world blows up. Okay.

1. pole dancing classes.

2. break my four years of sobriety.

3. get my family to Israel.

In that order.

I have to assume my kids don’t know about this world blowing up thing. They’re three and one and love couch forts and tickle parties. This is how I want us to live our next six months, please.

I also have to assume nobody else knows about the world blowing up because if they do:

1a. pole dancing classes are going to fill up quickly

and

2b. Israel may blow up first.

I also really need to talk to that woman by the church on our corner and ask her why she sleeps there with her shoes next to her and also apologize for avoiding her a lot of the time. I have to find my ex-best friend Ella and say, really, I hope you know I love you.

4. iced coffee.

5. sushi, nachos, karaoke. repeat.

6. a new wig for every day.

7. swim in that velvety lake by my uncle’s cabin.

8. spend a day with a piano.

9. ask my therapist if i can see her two times a week.

10. yoga, prayer, meditation – every day.

11. weep, dance, laugh. repeat.

And most importantly, when that rumble comes, and it will, turn on the stereo, grab my husband, my kids, the neighbors, the trees and shout, “let’s do this!!!”

—

Abby Sher is a writer, performer, and yogi living in Brooklyn.

Alice B. Toklas and Gertrude Stein with their poodle

Just when you thought the holidays couldn’t get any weirder, along comes Take Your Dog to Work Day.

This holiday was first celebrated in 1999 to promote pet adoption from local shelters and humane societies. Employers are encouraged to open their offices to four-legged friends on this one special day.

But these authors? They celebrated Take Your Dog to Work Day every day.

Ann Patchett makes her home in her hometown of Nashville with her husband and their dog, Rose. A self-proclaimed late-in-life dog owner, Patchett equates her relationship with the mutt to falling in love.

“I could hardly sleep at night for watching her sleep. She was small and white; maybe a cross between a Jack Russell and a Chihuahua, without the deep neuroses of either breed. If shedding was an Olympic sport, she would have brought home the gold. I was besotted.”

Image via Jaunted

With summer in full swing, it’s time for another seasonal Worst-Case Wednesday. Again, I’ve delved into the Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Life for some strategies. I’ve taken a random sampling of summer scenarios (apologies for the abundant alliteration) to handle common summer conundrums.

In honor of National Candy Month, we’re posting some of our favorite recipes from The Field Guide to Candy by Anita Chu!

First up… Tuxedo Strawberries. Cute and delicious. Nom!

It’s Worst-Case Wednesday again, so prepare for more useful advice, just in case. Last week, we covered weddings in anticipation of all the ceremonies that will be taking place this month. This week, it’s time to approach the other end of the romantic spectrum, with an excerpt from The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Guide: Dating and Sex.

Dates can be just as terrifying as weddings, maybe more so, as they happen to us far more often. From minor disasters, like a wine stain, to more serious dilemmas, like a terrible kisser, dating is dangerous. So, we’ll start out with the worst-case scenario for any date.