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If I was to die in six months
awaiting the collision of an asteroid,
I could cry with everyone or wait
to die with everyone or
check Facebook and Twitter. I could run away
to another place, hope for another fate, but

I would think about Leaves of Grass.
And the dirt on the bottom of one’s boot.
I could search for the songs of myself.
Reflect on what I have left –

Behind me there are trees that
I thought touched the sky.
I believed falling stars
were angels flying in the night,
following other stars that lost their way or went too far –

No. I’d think about how I found love
in a city and held hands with him running
through the rain drunk with dreams that may never come true.

Or I’d think about what I’d miss,
the whiskers of my rabbit rubbing against my arm.
The temptation of wrapped gifts waiting under the tree.
Some nights lying on the carpet tanning in the moonlight.
I’d fight to keep my sanity, but knowing me,

I’d pack my bags, head to Iceland
with my better half and bake pies.
Because who wouldn’t want to sit on
a black-sanded beach eating buttery-flaky crust filled with
seeping strawberries, topped off
with airy-whipped cream?

After mastering the art of pie,
if you ever wanted to stop by and help me
think of a slogan like
Best Slice of Pie Before You Die, or
Pie to Die For…
I’ll trade your advice for a slice and
we can watch the sky fall together.

Melissa Gregoli is a poet from New Jersey. Follow her on twitter (@orange_soda) and visit her blog (msallaneous.tumblr.com). Pie photo via http://bit.ly/P2XxvA.

Photo by Loudest Noise

Some of fiction’s greatest stories revolve around the anti-villains, the wrongfully accused, or the unfortunately misunderstood.

Today, we take a look at ten characters whose crimes ought to be excused by reasons of redemption-by-death, traumatic childhoods, or a shift in the moral event horizon.

Hester Prynne (The Scarlet Letter): A married woman has an affair that results in a child, but refuses to give up her lover, and is literally branded a slut for everyone to see. Sure, during the era the novel is set adultery is a stoning offense, but by today’s standards, Hester’s dalliance with Dimmesdale would only earn her a spot on Real Housewives of Boston.

When you take into account that her elderly husband sent her to live in the village by herself, the outcome is hardly surprising, or deserving of such punishment. Hester deserves a pardon, and if she lived today, she’d probably have a book deal.

Severus Snape (Harry Potter): The Potions master of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry makes the list as it remains unclear whether or not Severus Snape’s bravery is known after Harry defeats Voldemort. The only proof of Snape’s true loyalty lay in Dumbledore’s Pensieve, and probably didn’t survive the Battle of Hogwarts, so the world may never know that Snape was, in fact, the greatest triple agent the Wizarding World had ever seen. With that secret out, he surely deserves forgiveness for whatever crimes he might have committed while undercover.

Okay, that’s a little extreme.

The kids have been out of school for a while now, so I thought I would do the parents a favor and give them some advice from The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting.

If you are experiencing headaches, dark thoughts, and are beginning to feel like your parents whenever you ask your child keep the noise down to a dull roar, then read on.

As a writer, it’s always interesting to see how Hollywood portrays our kind.  I still haven’t seen a movie that shows a writer in her pajamas at three in the afternoon with a sink full of dirty dishes, but there’s hope.

Where do all of these fictional writers get such excellent outfits?

Unforgivable (now playing – limited release) This film, originally released in Belgium last summer, tells the story of a crime writer who moves to an island in Venice.  In a cinematic meet-cute, the writer falls in love with his real estate agent and agrees to purchase this writing oasis on one condition: that she also moves in.

The romance takes a dark turn when the author hires someone to follow his new wife, but doesn’t he look great in that flannel?

Lila, Lila (now playing – limited release) Released in Germany in 2009, this romantic comedy focuses on an unassuming waiter named David who falls for Marie — who claims to fall for writers.  David is defeated, until he purchases a secondhand end-table at a flea market and finds a manuscript hidden in its drawer.  Passing off the novel as his own, David woos Marie and the two fall in love.  But complications arise when Marie secretly submits the manuscript to a publisher and David unknowingly becomes a best-selling author.

Could someone please tell me where these people are who fall for writers?  And grab me one of those excellent suit jackets while you’re at it.

The coconut tree is a classy and functional gift from Mother Nature. Its water is refreshing and nutritious, the wood is strong for construction, the veins can also be re-purposed for items such as brooms or toothpicks, the meat of the nut becomes cooking oil and skin lotion, the fresh milk is used in food and drink, and even the smoke from the burning husk can repel mosquitoes.

But my favorite use of this fine tree, as of late, is the cookie.

Coconut lovers will go ape for this recipe with its soft center and chewy coconut flakes. Pair with a glass of milk, coconut mojito, or a bottle of coconut rum (and hammock), and enjoy!

Photo by Allie Bishop Pasquier

How many times has it happened before? A group of people go to get ice cream and everyone orders his or her favorite flavor. First there is mint chocolate chip, then strawberry followed by butter pecan and Rocky Road. Then, one lone man steps forward and in a bold unwavering voice states “One scoop of vanilla in a sugar cone!” Lips curl, eyes roll, some fool chortles and in a derogatory tone says, “Vanilla… it’s so bland.”

This has been my ice cream life. I am a vanilla man and have been since I was a child. I cannot tell you how many times I have taken abuse for the fact that I love vanilla ice cream. It is my belief that vanilla is the most misunderstood of all flavors. People spend a lot of time talking about how it is simple, how it lacks flavor and depth, but this is not so. To discount vanilla is to be a short-sighted. It is easy to make an ice cream packed with all manner of flavors: chocolate, nuts, fruits and herbs. However, to make truly good vanilla ice cream is to be a master of ice cream making.

Vanilla is the most unyielding of flavors; every error that can possibly be found in ice cream will present itself in a single scoop of vanilla. Whenever I buy ice cream from a new store or company my first pick is the most overlooked of flavors. A simple bite and I can tell the quality of the product. What is the butter fat content? How creamy is it? Do they use good quality product to flavor their ice cream? All of these questions and more can be answered with a taste.

Some flavors are over-wrought; they drown in their own selfish needs to be special, to stand out in the crowd. Not vanilla, vanilla knows exactly what it is. It is the ultimate base flavor. Perfect alone, it needs no alteration, but for those who cannot appreciate it for what it is, vanilla is also an excellent canvas. Any topping that can be placed on ice cream pairs perfectly with vanilla. Hot fudge, caramel, whipped cream, chocolate syrup or my personal favorite, butterscotch all are perfect companions to a bowl of the derided flavor. Almost all ice cream novelties at the store contain vanilla in some form or other. Where would Klondike be without vanilla? Drumsticks, Bon Bons, Ice Cream Sandwiches and Fifty-Fifty Bars all contain vanilla. To discount it is to discount all of these as well.

No longer should the vanilla lovers of the world be made to feel ashamed of their favorite flavor. I encourage you, my brethren and all ice cream lovers, to walk into your local ice cream parlor and say loud enough for everyone to hear, “My name is… and I would like a scoop of vanilla, please.”