By now your honey probably thinks you forgot about Valentine’s Day. Which makes it the perfect moment to launch your snuggle attack! But first, you might need to sweet-talk your way out of the doghouse. And who can say no to a lovingly handcrafted cocktail?
February 14th: A day of heart-shaped chocolate boxes, naked archer babies with wings, and linguistic pedantry. Yes! Some people—no names named—live to gleefully gloat their pronunciatorial prowess any time some unfortunate, uninformed soul dares to let slip the word “Valentimes.”
To which I say: listen up, you whatever-the-February-equivalent-of-Grinches-is! You need to stop. No, not because correcting people is cruel (for Cupid’s sake, all of this holiday is cruel), but because it’s time—Valentime—for a change.
Controversial, I know. But I brought charts. Here are five rock-solid reasons we need to rename this holiday already.
In our darkest hours, it is comforting to know that the leaders of our country are doing everything they can to save us, whether it’s fighting off an alien invasion or trying to prevent a giant asteroid from obliterating us all. Here are some of our favorite fictional presidents who saved the day!
For some of us, Valentine’s Day was a bitter disappointment. There were no hearts or flowers, not even an image of them on the front of a card. If you are not in a relationship, this is still disappointing, and you must make a note to yourself to try harder to make next Valentine’s Day more successful.
But for those in a relationship, especially if it is still relatively new, who didn’t get the slightest acknowledgment on February 14th, maybe it is time to consider if this is a sign of a bigger problem with your relationship.
If you discover this is so, here are some tips for the break-up, taken from The Worst Case Scenario Handbook: Dating and Sex, just so that you can be sure you are handling this difficult task as well as possible. Read on! There's a chance to win a copy too!